I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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