DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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