smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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