Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
