A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize