So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
