i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
