Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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