wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
