she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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