I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
