Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
