I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
