The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
