Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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