You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
