How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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