why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is my gift to your gina
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
