Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
