The maid of honor just puked.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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