I just saw a hot homeless man
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
