I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
