How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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