does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
