You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
