Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
