there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
