He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
