i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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