Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
