It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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