Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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