Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
