I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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