Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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