Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
