So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
