Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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