My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
