All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
