I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize