Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just tell him i said nine months
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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