I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
