nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Houston, we have a blender
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
