Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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