so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
