I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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