Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
