Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
