D3 body, D1 cock
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He shit in the fireplace
Text me some of your sweat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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