i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
