I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
