all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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