so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
