I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
