Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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