i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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