Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
