i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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