he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you. Go after that dick
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
