No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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