Your tits are I can't wait for
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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