Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
