remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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