Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
