Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
