I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
