Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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