Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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