My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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