I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
