I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
