So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
