i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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