I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
