Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
