How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
