Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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