please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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