Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
