Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
