how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
