girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
