I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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