Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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