At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
