I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
